Written by Chris Stockdale
Just recently I had the pleasure of meeting and speaking to a miss Malynda Lee. A psychologist, martial artist, former marine, teacher and author, Ms. Lee self-published her book “One Size Fits All, How to Get a Child to Stop All the Nonsense and Start to Learn and Prepare for a Rewarding Life” in 2009. While discussing societal decay and its origin, I was entirely enraptured by her theories and solutions to such a massive flaw in our “modern civilization”, asserting that indeed we’ve lost what civility made us human. In quite a colorful way, she vividly described her disdain for current parenting “methods”. Though the conversation could not have lasted but a whole of twenty minutes, I was gifted more information than I could process in so short a time. That’s when she mentioned her dissertation on the subject. Though I will leave you the benefit of reading her book for yourself, let’s take a look at the positions she takes on the matters of parent-child relationships, morality, discipline and changing society through the home.
In her first chapter entitled “Let’s Cut to the Chase”, she does just that. Defining both the word “parent” and the responsibilities that it holds. Taking the stance that while parents must love and guide their children into adulthood, they’re not necessarily friends. ” The concept of parent is not friendship”, she says. “It is two things: (1a.) To provide for the physical needs of the child, i.e., food, shelter, clothing, and (1b.) to discipline and guide the child in right and moral behavior. Both (1a) and (1b) are equal to each other and by doing both the parent loves his or her child.”. In today’s world it’s too often that we see children running about, screaming, lashing out and endangering both themselves and the people around them. It was only the other day that I was sitting in a coffee shop when a rather large family entered with their children. In the course of ten minutes I witnessed one of the boys have what can only be described as a total and chaotic meltdown. After ordering their coffee and leaving, the boy continued his horrific behaviour. Though, what I assume was his mother, gave him a “stern” talking to, he paraded onward into the parking lot, dodging cars and causing even further pandemonium. At last his mother pulled him into their car and the family left. I was shocked that such an attitude could be tolerated, though it is obviously that same tolerance that gave the boy the courage to throw such a temper tantrum.
Despite evidence that the whole of “society’s” mannerisms and morals are determined in the home, public and even private discipline is discouraged as what New York Democratic Representative Carolyn McCarthy described as “bullying”. Even though the “Greatest Generation” was “paddled”, we continue to dismiss physical discipline as too “harsh”. While describing the facts of our world Ms. Lee says, “As I look around our society today I see a society that has become immoral. Morals and the reinforcement of morals are the glue that keeps our world society together. Moral behaviors are the prerequisite for an ordered society. Moral behaviors are those actions that are right and just toward other human beings that aid in our coexistence within a,society, i.e., no cheating, lying, stealing, murdering, etc. …We do not use physical discipline in our society.” Instead, she asserts that we as a people use “guilt based verbal structures” to discipline/motivate instead.
“There are two main examples of the guilt based verbal structures created and perpetuated by our current modern psychological discipline orientation. These two examples follow the typical abusive format of demand/coercion and that type of orientation incites justification on the part of the person being extorted.
For example, the parent says to the child:
1. “You will do “X” for me or I will take “Y” away.” or,
2. “If you do “X” for me then I will give “Y” to you.”
Both examples are examples of guilt and extortive methods, just the same as if another adult were to say to you, (example number 1) “I know all about you stealing office equipment for personal use, and if you do not work for me when I need a day off then I will tell the boss about your misappropriation of the office equipment!”
How then, without a set code of morals and consequences to enforce good behaviour, can a society exist? While speaking to the author, she said that “our society is devolving, and it isn’t going to take millions of years to do so!” Though there are many reasons for our corrupt and vile society, its decay can most effectively be traced back to the upbringing of those individuals interacting within it.
I highly recommend this book (which I have linked to the ebook version below) as a source of great knowledge for new parents. While many consider the traditional values and virtues as “radical”, this book reaffirms that the world’s respect, morality and good character all come from good parenting.